Do you want a traditional burial, in a casket, or do you want a cremation? I bet you know the answer to this question already?
In certain parts of the country, the cremation rate is almost 75% of all deaths. Here in Dallas, it depends on where you live. In West Plano, for example, our cremation rate is about 65%. At Sparkman Hillcrest, it is about 25%.
We will explore the dynamics of cremation and traditional burial here in Dallas and the Metroplex in later postings. But for now, what do you want? Do you want a Dallas funeral or a Plano cremation? There really is no wrong answer; it depends upon your values, your decisions regarding your final life event and how you want your body treated once you are gone.
But in this case, the larger question is this: Does your family know what you want? I have been in conferences with grown adult children who, when faced with the very real question of burial or cremation, turn to each other and say, "Do you know what mom wanted?" They don't have a clue! And so, whatever they decide, they feel guilty about it. If they bury mom, they feel guilty that they spent money on something that mom might not have wanted. And if they cremate, God forbid that would have gone against mom's deepest values. Either way, they have to live with their decision for the rest of their lives.
Of course, this is when I can help them record their own decisions in a Planning Guide so that their children know what they want. But for mom, it's too late. Her secret has gone to the grave - or to the crematory - with her.
And it did not have to be this way. A brief conversation. A note written in a planning guide. A call to a caring and professional Family Service Director, that is all that was needed in order to avert chaos at the time of death. Certainly this is a hard question to ask mom but let me ask you: is not the reality of an uncertain decision even harder to bear, knowing that it will bring pangs of guilt for the rest of your life?
So take an hour and meet with a Family Service Director. He or she will work with you to record this, and other important decisions. Then, together, you can inform your family of your desires so that they can walk out of that conference on the worst day of their lives confident that they have made the right decision, for they will have carried out your wishes, a final act of love.
Remember: Always walk on the bright side of life.
Jordan Parr
Sparkman Hillcrest Funeral Home
Dallas, TX
214.734.0204
jordan.parr@dignitymemorial.com
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Money. The Elephant in the Room
Why is a funeral like a wedding?
Frankly, it can cost a lot of money.
Imagine for a minute that your daughter comes home one day and says to you that she is going to get married in 48 hours. Within that 48 hours, you find a wedding chapel, engage clergy, buy appropriate clothing, hire a caterer and musicians, find a florist and somehow find a way to get all of your out of town guests into town - without having prepared a wedding list. And then the happy couple is able to go on a proper honeymoon and move into a house. And it doesn't set you back financially!
Now imagine that your daughter comes home one day and finds you lying on the floor, dead of a heart attack (God forbid!). Within 48 hours, she has to secure a funeral home, a chapel for the service, engage clergy, find appropriate clothing for her and you, find a caterer for the reception following the service, find a florist if that is part of your tradition and somehow find a way to get all of your out of town family and friends into town without having prepared a proper list. And then she has to go to the funeral home and purchase a casket, funeral plan and a cemetery plot, since she doesn't know if you want to be buried or cremated. And then the kindly funeral director informs her that all expenses must be paid before the service as this is the standard policy at every funeral home in the country.
Put this way, who in their right mind would do this? When we plan ahead, we can amortize these costs over years so that the financial shock of a funeral can be absorbed by the ones responsible for making the decisions in the first place. We can spare our families the financial and emotional pain of these decision by making them - and paying for them - in advance. We then lock in these decisions and spare them the increasing costs of funerals and burial plots.
Here in Dallas at Sparkman Hillcrest, we specialize in pre-arrangements. Allow me to give you and your family the peace of mind that all of you deserve and so need. Just contact me at the number below or email me so that we can remove the financial elephant from the room.
And remember: always walk on the bright side of life.
Jordan Parr
Family Service Director
Sparkman Hillcrest Funeral Home
Dallas, TX
214.734.0204
jordan.parr@dignitymemorial.com
Frankly, it can cost a lot of money.
Imagine for a minute that your daughter comes home one day and says to you that she is going to get married in 48 hours. Within that 48 hours, you find a wedding chapel, engage clergy, buy appropriate clothing, hire a caterer and musicians, find a florist and somehow find a way to get all of your out of town guests into town - without having prepared a wedding list. And then the happy couple is able to go on a proper honeymoon and move into a house. And it doesn't set you back financially!
Now imagine that your daughter comes home one day and finds you lying on the floor, dead of a heart attack (God forbid!). Within 48 hours, she has to secure a funeral home, a chapel for the service, engage clergy, find appropriate clothing for her and you, find a caterer for the reception following the service, find a florist if that is part of your tradition and somehow find a way to get all of your out of town family and friends into town without having prepared a proper list. And then she has to go to the funeral home and purchase a casket, funeral plan and a cemetery plot, since she doesn't know if you want to be buried or cremated. And then the kindly funeral director informs her that all expenses must be paid before the service as this is the standard policy at every funeral home in the country.
Put this way, who in their right mind would do this? When we plan ahead, we can amortize these costs over years so that the financial shock of a funeral can be absorbed by the ones responsible for making the decisions in the first place. We can spare our families the financial and emotional pain of these decision by making them - and paying for them - in advance. We then lock in these decisions and spare them the increasing costs of funerals and burial plots.
Here in Dallas at Sparkman Hillcrest, we specialize in pre-arrangements. Allow me to give you and your family the peace of mind that all of you deserve and so need. Just contact me at the number below or email me so that we can remove the financial elephant from the room.
And remember: always walk on the bright side of life.
Jordan Parr
Family Service Director
Sparkman Hillcrest Funeral Home
Dallas, TX
214.734.0204
jordan.parr@dignitymemorial.com
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Too Much Information!
Why is a funeral like a wedding?
Have you ever walked into a bookstore or shopped on Amazon.com and noticed all of the various wedding planning guides available? Every store, large or small, has a wedding gift registry where the happy couple can list all of the items that they want for their new home. Most of this can also be found online. And for many couples - and especially for their parents - the services of an experienced wedding planner are essential. The wedding planner knows how to create and complete the wedding checklist and, just as important, knows the people, such as florists and caterers, who can bring quality service to the wonderful event.
The same planning goes into a funeral, your final life event. Here in Dallas, I provide every couple their own Personal Planning Guide, courtesy of Dignity Memorial. In this Guide, we detail vital statistics, veterans information and financial data so that the survivors can begin to close your estate. We also begin to list family members and key contacts so that they can be contacted at the time of death.
And then we record the decisions made regarding your funeral and final disposition. Say you choose a maple wood casket and want to be buried at Sparkman Hillcrest Cemetery. We would list the specific casket, outer burial container (required by the cemetery) and the location of your plot. Then we would write down where your service and visitation, if desired, will take place. We can list your pallbearers and even your preference of flowers.
Are you getting the picture? Since there are just so many decisions to make at the time of death, it is much better to make these decisions now, sparing your loved ones the pain and agony on the worst day of their lives, a day when you will not be there to answer the one question that they must have answered: What would you want?
Finally, if you live in the Dallas area, please consider me the equivalent of your wedding planner. Allow me to be your final event coordinator. By using a trained, licensed Family Service Director, you and your family will realize the finest service possible, today and when it is needed most. Just contact me and we'll begin to set a time to work on your Personal Planning Guide.
Remember: Always walk on the bright side of life.
Jordan Parr
Sparkman Hillcrest Funeral Home
Dallas, TX
214.734.0204
jordan.parr@dignitymemorial.com
Have you ever walked into a bookstore or shopped on Amazon.com and noticed all of the various wedding planning guides available? Every store, large or small, has a wedding gift registry where the happy couple can list all of the items that they want for their new home. Most of this can also be found online. And for many couples - and especially for their parents - the services of an experienced wedding planner are essential. The wedding planner knows how to create and complete the wedding checklist and, just as important, knows the people, such as florists and caterers, who can bring quality service to the wonderful event.
The same planning goes into a funeral, your final life event. Here in Dallas, I provide every couple their own Personal Planning Guide, courtesy of Dignity Memorial. In this Guide, we detail vital statistics, veterans information and financial data so that the survivors can begin to close your estate. We also begin to list family members and key contacts so that they can be contacted at the time of death.
And then we record the decisions made regarding your funeral and final disposition. Say you choose a maple wood casket and want to be buried at Sparkman Hillcrest Cemetery. We would list the specific casket, outer burial container (required by the cemetery) and the location of your plot. Then we would write down where your service and visitation, if desired, will take place. We can list your pallbearers and even your preference of flowers.
Are you getting the picture? Since there are just so many decisions to make at the time of death, it is much better to make these decisions now, sparing your loved ones the pain and agony on the worst day of their lives, a day when you will not be there to answer the one question that they must have answered: What would you want?
Finally, if you live in the Dallas area, please consider me the equivalent of your wedding planner. Allow me to be your final event coordinator. By using a trained, licensed Family Service Director, you and your family will realize the finest service possible, today and when it is needed most. Just contact me and we'll begin to set a time to work on your Personal Planning Guide.
Remember: Always walk on the bright side of life.
Jordan Parr
Sparkman Hillcrest Funeral Home
Dallas, TX
214.734.0204
jordan.parr@dignitymemorial.com
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Your New Home
Why is a funeral like a wedding?
In both situations, you usually get a new home.
When you get married, you may move into a new apartment, condo or house - even if you have lived together for some time. It represents a new start - not yours or mine but "ours".
And when you die, your casket or urn is your eternal home. So you had better choose carefully. When it comes to caskets, quality is important. Here in Dallas, I have seen some caskets (not from us, thankfully) that were so poorly constructed, we were afraid that when we lifted them, the base and the body would stay on the truck! So be sure that you choose a quality casket. If you choose a metal casket, be sure that it is made of 20 or 18 gauge steel at a minimum and preferably made of stainless steel, bronze or copper as these give the best support. If you choose a wooden casket, the named woods, such as pecan, pine, walnut and especially mahogany are better in quality than a hardwood. A traditional all-wood construction, such as an Orthodox Jewish poplar or cherry casket can also provide high quality, even though no metal is used in its construction.
These caskets do not have to be expensive but they are worth every penny. You might say that, "Well, it's going into the ground so it just doesn't matter. Why pay a lot of money for a box?" That may be true but realize that this casket also is a reflection of you and your family values. If you are lying in state during a visitation or rosary in a cheap looking casket, does that say that you were a cheap person? Not everyone could - or should - choose a mahogany or copper casket but remember that your final home speaks as much about you as your home today.
Now if you choose to be cremated, the same can be said of your urn. There is a great variety of choices in urns today. You can choose from wood, metals, stone, ceramic and even biodegradable materials (more about that in a future posting). So consider that the exterior of the urn also reflects who you are. Do you want to place an inscription on the urn? What will it say? Will the urn be placed in a glass-front niche? How will it be displayed at your memorial service?
So these questions take a lot of thought. By planning ahead with a trained and caring counselor, you can reflect upon these questions, record the answers, pay for your decisions in advance and then share your caring choices with your family. This will spare them the agony of decision making on the worst day of their lives - the day when you are no longer there to make these decisions for them.
But for now:
Always walk on the bright side of life.
Jordan Parr
Family Service Director
Sparkman Hillcrest Funeral Home
Dallas, TX
214.734.0204
jordan.parr@dignitymemorial.com
Facebook: Dallas Pre-Arranged Funerals
In both situations, you usually get a new home.
When you get married, you may move into a new apartment, condo or house - even if you have lived together for some time. It represents a new start - not yours or mine but "ours".
And when you die, your casket or urn is your eternal home. So you had better choose carefully. When it comes to caskets, quality is important. Here in Dallas, I have seen some caskets (not from us, thankfully) that were so poorly constructed, we were afraid that when we lifted them, the base and the body would stay on the truck! So be sure that you choose a quality casket. If you choose a metal casket, be sure that it is made of 20 or 18 gauge steel at a minimum and preferably made of stainless steel, bronze or copper as these give the best support. If you choose a wooden casket, the named woods, such as pecan, pine, walnut and especially mahogany are better in quality than a hardwood. A traditional all-wood construction, such as an Orthodox Jewish poplar or cherry casket can also provide high quality, even though no metal is used in its construction.
These caskets do not have to be expensive but they are worth every penny. You might say that, "Well, it's going into the ground so it just doesn't matter. Why pay a lot of money for a box?" That may be true but realize that this casket also is a reflection of you and your family values. If you are lying in state during a visitation or rosary in a cheap looking casket, does that say that you were a cheap person? Not everyone could - or should - choose a mahogany or copper casket but remember that your final home speaks as much about you as your home today.
Now if you choose to be cremated, the same can be said of your urn. There is a great variety of choices in urns today. You can choose from wood, metals, stone, ceramic and even biodegradable materials (more about that in a future posting). So consider that the exterior of the urn also reflects who you are. Do you want to place an inscription on the urn? What will it say? Will the urn be placed in a glass-front niche? How will it be displayed at your memorial service?
So these questions take a lot of thought. By planning ahead with a trained and caring counselor, you can reflect upon these questions, record the answers, pay for your decisions in advance and then share your caring choices with your family. This will spare them the agony of decision making on the worst day of their lives - the day when you are no longer there to make these decisions for them.
But for now:
Always walk on the bright side of life.
Jordan Parr
Family Service Director
Sparkman Hillcrest Funeral Home
Dallas, TX
214.734.0204
jordan.parr@dignitymemorial.com
Facebook: Dallas Pre-Arranged Funerals
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